My Introduction…

We had just got done eating…I needed to go in the mall because I needed to buy something…
I wish Walmart had it…I didn’t want to go further in the mall…I thought I would be okay…

My son was beside me, talking about Transformers…He loves Bumblebee…I held him close to me…

I passed the food court, were we all ate…The pizza restaurant we often frequented…The jewelry store we got her engagement ring…We went in to Belks to get free cologne samples…

I remember when we used to do that…

Without warning, my brain started talking to me…Harsh words. It was hurt and lashing out at me. The walls started to close in, and I had a hard time catching my breath. My son was still talking, but I couldn’t hear him. I quickly moved us out of the mall. I felt my muscles tightening…

I had to get out…

I was fighting for my survival.

My son asked if I was okay…I told him we just needed to go. We had to go…

Panic set in. Would I be able to overcome it? Would I be able to do this again? Suffer emotional trauma and come out on the other side with my hand raised in victory. The first time, it took 10 years…I didn’t want this taking that long…

Finally, we made it out. The fresh air hit my lungs and I was able to take deep breaths to calm myself…I was in for the fight of my life, and I knew it.

Hi, my name is Scott. I’m 31. I have a full time job. I have a son. My individual characteristics are unfamiliar…I’m not who I was prior to us meeting. I don’t remember that person. I don’t remember his laugh…I don’t remember his smile…

I don’t remember…

I was in a relationship for a year and a half with someone who damaged me. It was a lie…All of it. She swore she would never leave…She swore she loved me, and I was her soul mate…

She built me up and then crushed me. The problem is, she doesn’t see it that way. My family does. They get it. My friends don’t.

They don’t understand what I’ve been through. Nobody does. I walk seemingly alone in this Hell that was created for me. The emotional abuse I suffered…And didn’t even know…

I researched things after the breakup, trying to understand what went wrong…And I believe I found it. The thing I wasn’t prepared for…Was that there were people just like me…That had suffered the way I did…That were put through my pain by there partners…

This blog…Is for all of you. Really, we are all survivors, aren’t we? Different circumstances, but the same battle. I survived Hell when my brother went to prison. For ten years I suffered. I became cold… isolated… distant..

Finally I broke free of my cell. Now, I’m doing it again. Except this time, I want you to see my fight…

I’m a fighter. Always have been. I never back down or run away from anything. I am used to fighting. I am used to surviving.

This isn’t for me, on some quest to bitch about my problems until one day I’m good. This is about everyone seeing what i go through. I want you to know you’re​ not alone. And it won’t be all personal shit. I’ll talk about other things. 

I don’t believe that we should keep our experiences to ourselves…It happened. Use what happened to help someone else. So this fight, is our fight. 

You are not alone. With the depression, the sadness, the anxiety, the fear, the hurt…

The overwhelming pain.

You are​ not alone.

I will survive, because it’s in my blood. It’s one of the characteristics that make me, me. I want to tell you my story. Where I’ve been…What I’ve been through. I want you to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And we will make it.

We will…

Survyve.

I’ll be posting more​ soon. For now, I’m going to the gym and then going to work.

Until the next time…

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