Selling some muh’clucking chicken…

It’s been a very busy two weeks for ol’ survyvor. I’m the Assistant General Manager and Operations Trainer for the restaurant I work for, and the Training Manager for our franchise. We just grand opened a new store so I’ve been working alot out of town. But I love it. I love what I do, and you can see it in my work. I ooze passion and dedication. I have fun with it, because who in the Hell wants to be miserable, right?

Some things have changed for me too. Mentally and emotionally, I’m in a much better place than I was the last post I made. Healing is so wonderful and you can feel it when it occurs. Little by little, after emotional abuse, you start to feel more like yourself. I’m not 100% there yet, nor am I pushing for a relationship, but I’m healing.

Alot of people ask me, what happened? I wasn’t sure of this post breakup, but I know now. The problem with people like me, is we have to have answers. We research, we write notes, we think…whatever it takes to figure something out. Not a problem for me, but it is to everyone else. After the breakup, I looked back at the relationship and saw how miserable I was…and I came across…

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

It is usually grouped together with sociopathy and psychopathy.

I am going to give you an analysis on this disorder, why it fits, why I’m 100% confident that’s what I was dealing with, and how to to heal. I am completely transparent and have nothing to hide. I’m an open book. I want people to know that you’re not alone in your suffering. I have been there too. If my story or advice can help at least one person, than I’ve done my job.

Hopefully this blog will be read by the masses. NPD is an issue people don’t typically know much about. They get fucked over and are left wondering what happened.

I’m here to expose the truth. Oh, and I use alot of profanity. Sorry if it offends anyone, but that is just me. So in my blogs you may see words you don’t like…just read over them. The message will be worth it.

I’m going to be posting more this week as my work schedule is returning to normal. I want to get this message out. Not for me. For the people suffering that don’t have a clue what went wrong. It wasn’t you, I promise you that. 

Have a good day. Spread love and compassion. Make the world a better place. And for the love of God, don’t post these damn memes to Facebook making fun of Aaron Hernandez committing suicide. That makes you a douchebag.

Until the next time people, take care of yourself and stay strong.

My Introduction…

We had just got done eating…I needed to go in the mall because I needed to buy something…
I wish Walmart had it…I didn’t want to go further in the mall…I thought I would be okay…

My son was beside me, talking about Transformers…He loves Bumblebee…I held him close to me…

I passed the food court, were we all ate…The pizza restaurant we often frequented…The jewelry store we got her engagement ring…We went in to Belks to get free cologne samples…

I remember when we used to do that…

Without warning, my brain started talking to me…Harsh words. It was hurt and lashing out at me. The walls started to close in, and I had a hard time catching my breath. My son was still talking, but I couldn’t hear him. I quickly moved us out of the mall. I felt my muscles tightening…

I had to get out…

I was fighting for my survival.

My son asked if I was okay…I told him we just needed to go. We had to go…

Panic set in. Would I be able to overcome it? Would I be able to do this again? Suffer emotional trauma and come out on the other side with my hand raised in victory. The first time, it took 10 years…I didn’t want this taking that long…

Finally, we made it out. The fresh air hit my lungs and I was able to take deep breaths to calm myself…I was in for the fight of my life, and I knew it.

Hi, my name is Scott. I’m 31. I have a full time job. I have a son. My individual characteristics are unfamiliar…I’m not who I was prior to us meeting. I don’t remember that person. I don’t remember his laugh…I don’t remember his smile…

I don’t remember…

I was in a relationship for a year and a half with someone who damaged me. It was a lie…All of it. She swore she would never leave…She swore she loved me, and I was her soul mate…

She built me up and then crushed me. The problem is, she doesn’t see it that way. My family does. They get it. My friends don’t.

They don’t understand what I’ve been through. Nobody does. I walk seemingly alone in this Hell that was created for me. The emotional abuse I suffered…And didn’t even know…

I researched things after the breakup, trying to understand what went wrong…And I believe I found it. The thing I wasn’t prepared for…Was that there were people just like me…That had suffered the way I did…That were put through my pain by there partners…

This blog…Is for all of you. Really, we are all survivors, aren’t we? Different circumstances, but the same battle. I survived Hell when my brother went to prison. For ten years I suffered. I became cold… isolated… distant..

Finally I broke free of my cell. Now, I’m doing it again. Except this time, I want you to see my fight…

I’m a fighter. Always have been. I never back down or run away from anything. I am used to fighting. I am used to surviving.

This isn’t for me, on some quest to bitch about my problems until one day I’m good. This is about everyone seeing what i go through. I want you to know you’re​ not alone. And it won’t be all personal shit. I’ll talk about other things. 

I don’t believe that we should keep our experiences to ourselves…It happened. Use what happened to help someone else. So this fight, is our fight. 

You are not alone. With the depression, the sadness, the anxiety, the fear, the hurt…

The overwhelming pain.

You are​ not alone.

I will survive, because it’s in my blood. It’s one of the characteristics that make me, me. I want to tell you my story. Where I’ve been…What I’ve been through. I want you to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And we will make it.

We will…

Survyve.

I’ll be posting more​ soon. For now, I’m going to the gym and then going to work.

Until the next time…